Here is something I have struggled with my entire life. I am the most emotionally available person you'll ever meet.....but I tend to go for guys that are not. Classic Mr. Big and Aidan? Good boy vs. Bay Boy?
Where does this come from? Why do girls go after guys that are not available?
Well first, let's define unavailable. This can be a guy that is married, gay, immature, carrying too much baggage, in love with someone else, enabled by bad people, addiction problems, you get the picture.
The first step is to be able to know the guy is unavailable.
This means you have to really look at him. Can he tell you anything? Vice Versa? Does he express his feelings? Has he dealt with issues that have happened along the way? Do you talk about your future together? Does he have great friends that he talks to? I mean this is up to you, either you can see it or not. But that's all up to you....if you don't want to see it....you wont. You can go your entire life and not see it. It's hard once you do, you have to deal with it and most girls would rather not.
The second step is to know why you are interested?
Expensive therapy will tell you that you do not think you are worthy of someone that is emotional available. If someone is available they will be able to love you and you don't think you are deserving of the love.
So not a huge surprise, it starts with you. If you want a guy that is emotionally available to love you and give you what you want......you have to be open to it and you have to think you are good enough. Love yourself enough to let someone else love you.
The third step is to know you can't change the emotionally challenged.
This is where most girls seem to trip up. Look, people CAN change, but you CAN'T change someone. If he is a cheater, there is a reason he cheats. So either he can go to therapy and work on that part of himself or he'll cheat on you. Now since he is not in tune with his emotions, going to therapy would probably be easy. If he is married, you can't get to leave his wife. He'll resent you and you'll have nothing to start with. He'll carry her with him. You need to make him be honest with her and you and start facing his emotions. And if he can lie to her, why do you think he is telling you the truth? But again, you won't change him. If he doesn't want to get married, he cant face those emotions of commitment and marriage. You won't change that. Some girl will, but it's not you. He needs to address those underlying issues of why he won't commit but it wont be with you. If he is gay, okay I am not even going down this road. Really??? Why do you want to be with someone who isn't emotionally available to you???? STOP IT GIRLS!!! You are in a bad relationship, because you want to be there. You may not know it but you do. And if you don't want to be there start liking yourself enough to want more for you......
It will be a hard process....but when I get to the other side we'll see how it goes ;)
xo
Penelope
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