To Settle or To Not

Settling.

It makes us all nervous to ask the question....am I settling? It shouldn't because if you aren't you'll know it. And that what this blog is all about....stripping it down and really looking at your life.



Why do people settle? For so many reasons, they have run out of options, they feel like this is their only choice, they need xyz now so they have to go with what is in front of them. They feel like if they hold out for what they really want they will never get it.



So that's what you want out of life?? To settle instead of finding what you really want? If you can talk yourself into that, let me know. I would love to hear that justification.



I read somewhere that 65% of woman feel like they settled in at least one relationship, so 65% of you know what I am talking about. You either ignored the fact because you really wanted it to work, thought he could change, wanted the ring and dress, thought this was your last chance, really wanted a baby, it was the right time, everyone else really liked him, he came from such a good family.....right.



Remember that list of your "ideal" partner. Keep it handy and know it will change....but make sure that your partner is matching this list.....or you are settling.



Don't want someone who cheats, calls you names, doesn't allow you out, controls you, makes you feel bad about yourself, yells......then why are you?



I do want to make it clear that "settling" is different than "compromise". You can compromise on where you go to dinner, what movie you see, who's house for the holidays.....You can settle for someone who's values, moral, and life goals are different than your own. Everyone has to compromise on some things, but no one should have to settle.



On "How I Met Your Mother" there was an episode that talked about in every couple someone has settled. It was cute where the couples went back and forth on who was the hotter one or cooler one and who settled for who. Here's the thing. They all "compromised" on a few things, but none of them settled. We all have different wants in a relationship. Laughter, Smarts, Looks, Intelligence, Sex, Family, Communication...and some will be more important than others. So you won't settle on what is on the top of your list but you might compromise on the last few things....



It's just my experience that you can't change anyone. They might change themselves for you....but you can't do it for them.



So even though you might think you aren't good enough and need to take the used, half eaten, slice of pizza....you don't wait for the real thing. Know what kind of pizza you want....Does it have to have pineapple, jalapenos, Swiss cheese but you don't care about the crust? Wait for it! It will taste that much better. :)
xo
Penelope